But Now

Read Romans chapter three a lot lately.  Ruminated on the words in stark black and white taking up space on a page.  Came face to face with verses one through twenty.  Started with my English Lit side appreciating the figurative language:  "their throat is an open grave", "the venom of asps is under their lips", and "their feet are swift to shed blood".  Then, I look in the mirror and realize Paul refers to a 'their', which includes an I, which is me.  I squint in the glare of specific details which describe my humanity.  Me, in short, an all around failure, even when trying to do good because simply, I don't.  Being under the LAW, these God given oracles, but failing often in this trying to keep them on my own; observing the phrase "none is righteous, no, not one; no one understands; no one seeks for God" in the struggle of my own walking through this world.

So, a thought...if Romans three stopped at verse 20, where would that leave me?  On a path strewn with misery, ruined, not seeking God or having an ounce of fear for His perfect presence, not one ounce of good or righteousness?  For whom would my heart beat in the day to day besides self?  Wouldn't any struggle to still the beastliness of my soul's chant be nonsense?  Why even try?  Because verse 19 ends with "and the whole world may be held accountable to God". 

And, then, my breath catches on two seemingly small words...

But now

 

Read on, I tell myself, don't stop.  Even though my falling short can not be denied, there is this grace gift rushing over the stark black and white of me, staining blood red.  For belief in perfect Christ righteousness, outweighs the former details of me.  My eyes embrace the words "whom God put forward as a propitiation"..."so that He might be just and the justifier of the one who has faith in Jesus".  In the midst of clenched jaw and furrowed brow, I am now one of 'the one'.  And, His righteousness outshines the muddle of who I am without Jesus.  Tears of praise, eyes closed in thanks, able to inhale peace, praying for His image to be restored in me, only because of my older brother's work for me.

Every day I'm learning.  I'm no expert on Romans, but by grace, I'm daily being sanctified, and I'm grasping more of what His word means.  I'm hanging on to the seemingly simple.  Looking forward and taking to heart how He's changing me from an open grave to a vessel built for overflowing grace.